Verse:

Everybody wants to be a Sharon,
At the top of the list was Dave Allen,
Then when we spoke to Benny Hill,
He said "give me high heels and I will",
Then we spoke to dear Dickie Emery,
"I'd love to be Sharon", he said with envy.
Then I had a word with Jack Dee,
"Oh let me be Sharon", he plee'd.

Chorus:

Everybody wants to be a Sharon,
Kings, 'Queens', Lords and Barons!
High heels, lipstick and a dress,
Is better than y fronts and a vest.

Verse:

Then I gave Seinfeld a call,
"Me be Sharon - How cool".
Then I wrote to Eddie Murphy,
He wrote me back and said "Perfect".
Then I got a call from John Cleese,
And he just said "OH PLEASE"!!!
The list of Sharon wannabe's never ends,
I've just heard from the cast of friends.
They all got down on their knees,
And started begging with me.........

Chorus:

We all want to be a Sharon,
Kings, 'Queens', Lords and Barons!
High heels, lipstick and a dress,
Is better than y fronts and a vest.

Verse:

Spike Milligan came knocking at my door,
"Have you got room for anymore?"
He was then followed by Peter Cook,
Dressed as Sharon he said "How do I look?"
Then Barbara Windsor came rushing past,
"I'm sure you'll all agree that I pass!!"
Then another knock at the door,
"Is this the Sharon gaf?", said Dudley Moore

Chorus:

We all want to be a Sharon,
Kings, 'Queens', Lords and Barons!
High heels, lipstick and a dress,
Is better than y fronts and a vest.