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How does a blond part their hair? By doing the splits....

The TRUE length of a minute is determined by which side of the bathroom door you're on!

What is green and hangs from trees? Giraffe snot

If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?

What's the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home!

How can you tell the difference between a men's real gifts and their guilt gifts?
Guilt gifts are nicer!

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Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents had sent. Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture. As she read the letter, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against the lamp post below. Quickly, she wrote, "Don't despair. Sister Barbara," on a piece of paper, wrapped the $100 bill in it, got the man's attention and tossed it out the window to him. The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street. The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at her door, insisting on seeing her. She went down and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100 bills. "What's this?" she asked. "That's the $8,000 you have coming Sister," he replied. "Don't Despair paid 80-to-1."
Why do blonds wash their hair in the sink? Cause that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables	What's grey and red all over? An embarrassed elephant! What's the best way to stop an elephant from charging? Take away it's credit cards.	When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there staring at the carpeting?
Is there another word for synonym?

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